Recently I lost the password to one of the nine blogs I operate, and today, in the process of recovering the keys to it, I rediscovered this dusty old long-lost blog, which tracks back to my old ex's blog.
Inexplicably, it looks like she's still dwelling on ancient history, judging by a fairly recent post.
The whole thing is weird. Why post a new blog entry about me all these years later? I'm flattered, but really, enough is enough.
It's been a long time since I've thought about her, and when I do, it's in fairly neutral terms. I'm kind of shocked that she's still writing angry rebuttals to things from two years ago.
Looking back from this moderrn perspective, it's obvious that she needed to spend a few more years finding herself, which is fine, but actually not the kind of relationship I would have wanted to be in over these last two years anyway. So yes, despite my sadness, confusion and jumble of emotions two years ago when we abruptly broke up, I do think it was for the best in the long run. Looking at the big picture, from start to finish, it was a good relationship that helped us both grow and learn in incredible ways for a long solid stretch of time, but which eventually ran its course.
When I do think about her, I think it's a shame that we can't be aquaintances, which I would be willing to try someday, but she's obviously still holding grudges, pointing fingers and casting blame.
She seems intent on repeating a certain narrative about our breakup (E was "unhappy", E was "needy") that doesn't address the deeper realities of what was going wrong in our relationship, so that she can reassure herself that she "made the right decisions". (and really, if she needs so much reassurance, it's obvious she has doubts that she just can't bring herself to talk about).
The reality of my life right now is that I'm in a very happy and productive place - I'm dating a mature, confident, centered woman who has a career creating postive change in the world, has a steady direction in life, her own home and a steady income. She's also intelligent, creative and sexy. My business has increased it's public profile and phase II - the web store - is almost finished, I've made my first national television appearance, my friend circle has expanded, I'm starting to do video blogging for nonprofits, makeup for album photoshoots and music videos, and I just got asked to join the executive committee of a major transgender organization. And I still live in a beautiful home with wonderful roommates.
The key to success and happiness is to not dwell on the past, but rather to take the lessons of life and grow and use them to focus on the future.
I haven't seen my ex in eight months, and the last time I ran into her on the street, she seemed nervous and intent on bragging about herself to my date, while making absolutely no eye contact with me. I found it a little sad that she was claiming that the Angel of the Apocaylpse was "her" Burning Man art project, with no mention at all of the Flaming Lotus Girls anywhere in her monologue. It ended with the strong impression that she was talking 'at' my date rather than 'with' her, intent on saying all the things she wanted to make sure I overheard. It's a little puzzling that she was still trying to impress me, even while claiming she wanted nothing to do with me.
In the eight months since then, I guess I had assumed she was 'over it', as I was, and had moved on to a more emotionally neutral place in regards to me and our relationship, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
From what little I hear through the grapevine, it sounds like she's still in roughly the same place in other ways too - still putting most of her energy into figuring out work and housing. I do hope she succeeds in her goals, eventually. I wish her the best.
Inexplicably, it looks like she's still dwelling on ancient history, judging by a fairly recent post.
The whole thing is weird. Why post a new blog entry about me all these years later? I'm flattered, but really, enough is enough.
It's been a long time since I've thought about her, and when I do, it's in fairly neutral terms. I'm kind of shocked that she's still writing angry rebuttals to things from two years ago.
Looking back from this moderrn perspective, it's obvious that she needed to spend a few more years finding herself, which is fine, but actually not the kind of relationship I would have wanted to be in over these last two years anyway. So yes, despite my sadness, confusion and jumble of emotions two years ago when we abruptly broke up, I do think it was for the best in the long run. Looking at the big picture, from start to finish, it was a good relationship that helped us both grow and learn in incredible ways for a long solid stretch of time, but which eventually ran its course.
When I do think about her, I think it's a shame that we can't be aquaintances, which I would be willing to try someday, but she's obviously still holding grudges, pointing fingers and casting blame.
She seems intent on repeating a certain narrative about our breakup (E was "unhappy", E was "needy") that doesn't address the deeper realities of what was going wrong in our relationship, so that she can reassure herself that she "made the right decisions". (and really, if she needs so much reassurance, it's obvious she has doubts that she just can't bring herself to talk about).
The reality of my life right now is that I'm in a very happy and productive place - I'm dating a mature, confident, centered woman who has a career creating postive change in the world, has a steady direction in life, her own home and a steady income. She's also intelligent, creative and sexy. My business has increased it's public profile and phase II - the web store - is almost finished, I've made my first national television appearance, my friend circle has expanded, I'm starting to do video blogging for nonprofits, makeup for album photoshoots and music videos, and I just got asked to join the executive committee of a major transgender organization. And I still live in a beautiful home with wonderful roommates.
The key to success and happiness is to not dwell on the past, but rather to take the lessons of life and grow and use them to focus on the future.
I haven't seen my ex in eight months, and the last time I ran into her on the street, she seemed nervous and intent on bragging about herself to my date, while making absolutely no eye contact with me. I found it a little sad that she was claiming that the Angel of the Apocaylpse was "her" Burning Man art project, with no mention at all of the Flaming Lotus Girls anywhere in her monologue. It ended with the strong impression that she was talking 'at' my date rather than 'with' her, intent on saying all the things she wanted to make sure I overheard. It's a little puzzling that she was still trying to impress me, even while claiming she wanted nothing to do with me.
In the eight months since then, I guess I had assumed she was 'over it', as I was, and had moved on to a more emotionally neutral place in regards to me and our relationship, but that doesn't seem to be the case.
From what little I hear through the grapevine, it sounds like she's still in roughly the same place in other ways too - still putting most of her energy into figuring out work and housing. I do hope she succeeds in her goals, eventually. I wish her the best.
posted by E at 6:32 AM
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