Re: This Is Not The Letter Either
After yesterday's interaction, I decided to ask Wendy what she seemed so upset about... as you can see, it was a simple one-sentence email. She responded with the long angry diatribe below. I question the appropriateness of this in response to my simple question. Also, why stew on this for so long and wait until December to tell me about her thought process back in August? And why kick me when I'm down?
W,
Are you angry at me about something, or were you upset about something else?
E
Her response:
I'm angry at you. I broke up with you because I was angry at you and breakfast with you on Monday made me feel angry at you again. I've been far too nice, or thinking I was being nice to really express how angry at you I've been.
I think that you don't understand anything other than your own needs. When I got together with you it was because I saw someone that was loving, considerate, fun, and present with me. I felt that you cared about my welfare and encouraged me to take care of myself and helped take care of me, too. Somewhere in there I feel like you started to take me for granted. In emotional and physical ways: cooking, cleaning, organizing, laundry, sex, being okay with your transgender explorations.
You've never learned to cook though I've asked you to cook over and over again; you obviously stopped doing the laundry at some point based on all the dumb questions you had when I specifically asked you to start doing laundry again; our room was always a mess; you seemed to not understand or care that I didn't want my personal possessions being worn by strange men or that having your business in our home and spreading it to our personal space was invasive and uncomfortable; I feel you made minimal effort to understand my disinterest in sex with you; you started not wanting to talk with me and telling me I talk too much and being silent and wierd when I'd try to converse with you; you got moody and pissy about me not giving you attention when YOU wanted it, but couldn't even be persuaded to come to bed when you were at the computer at night. And you never once bought me flowers or wrote me letter about ideas you had about how we could resolve any off our relationship issues until I threatened to not be there for you anymore.
So, yeah, I'm angry.
I'm angry that you seem to want me back because you're used to being taken care of and not have to do for yourself. I'm angry that you either don't or can't hear me when I tell you I WAS NOT HAPPY.
My belief is that if you cared about me you would say that you are happy for me that I am happy now and tell me that even if you don't understand WHY I left you, you will try to understand and you will support me in being happy. Instead I see you not caring about anyone other than yourself. I see you squirming because you are uncomfortable without me and focusing only on your wants and needs. But I feel I've seen you not caring about anyone else's wants and needs other than your own for a while now. I've seen you take and take and not give back, even when you're asked to give. Well you can't have anything else from me. I'm done with giving to you. I'm not going to give you time to try and make me feel bad that my decisions have made you feel bad (counseling) because then you'd be sucking my energy away from me again and I'm done with that.
Figure your shit out without me. Get your own counselor. I'm doing what I have to do to take care of me and there is absolutely nothing you have done since I first hinted that I was leaving that has told me you care about anything other than yourself. I don't trust you to take care of me or take my needs into consideration. And I don't trust you to try and understand.
And I don't think you like strong women. I think you like women that are so self sufficient that they can take care of themselves without you AND take care of you. I'm not your strong woman. I'm weak and dumb or I would have called you on your shit long long ago and not be so angry and bitter and biting right now. Find someone dumber next time or figure out how to take care of yourself so that you can do more than let someone caretake for you until they're sick of it and leave.
W
W,
Are you angry at me about something, or were you upset about something else?
E
Her response:
I'm angry at you. I broke up with you because I was angry at you and breakfast with you on Monday made me feel angry at you again. I've been far too nice, or thinking I was being nice to really express how angry at you I've been.
I think that you don't understand anything other than your own needs. When I got together with you it was because I saw someone that was loving, considerate, fun, and present with me. I felt that you cared about my welfare and encouraged me to take care of myself and helped take care of me, too. Somewhere in there I feel like you started to take me for granted. In emotional and physical ways: cooking, cleaning, organizing, laundry, sex, being okay with your transgender explorations.
You've never learned to cook though I've asked you to cook over and over again; you obviously stopped doing the laundry at some point based on all the dumb questions you had when I specifically asked you to start doing laundry again; our room was always a mess; you seemed to not understand or care that I didn't want my personal possessions being worn by strange men or that having your business in our home and spreading it to our personal space was invasive and uncomfortable; I feel you made minimal effort to understand my disinterest in sex with you; you started not wanting to talk with me and telling me I talk too much and being silent and wierd when I'd try to converse with you; you got moody and pissy about me not giving you attention when YOU wanted it, but couldn't even be persuaded to come to bed when you were at the computer at night. And you never once bought me flowers or wrote me letter about ideas you had about how we could resolve any off our relationship issues until I threatened to not be there for you anymore.
So, yeah, I'm angry.
I'm angry that you seem to want me back because you're used to being taken care of and not have to do for yourself. I'm angry that you either don't or can't hear me when I tell you I WAS NOT HAPPY.
My belief is that if you cared about me you would say that you are happy for me that I am happy now and tell me that even if you don't understand WHY I left you, you will try to understand and you will support me in being happy. Instead I see you not caring about anyone other than yourself. I see you squirming because you are uncomfortable without me and focusing only on your wants and needs. But I feel I've seen you not caring about anyone else's wants and needs other than your own for a while now. I've seen you take and take and not give back, even when you're asked to give. Well you can't have anything else from me. I'm done with giving to you. I'm not going to give you time to try and make me feel bad that my decisions have made you feel bad (counseling) because then you'd be sucking my energy away from me again and I'm done with that.
Figure your shit out without me. Get your own counselor. I'm doing what I have to do to take care of me and there is absolutely nothing you have done since I first hinted that I was leaving that has told me you care about anything other than yourself. I don't trust you to take care of me or take my needs into consideration. And I don't trust you to try and understand.
And I don't think you like strong women. I think you like women that are so self sufficient that they can take care of themselves without you AND take care of you. I'm not your strong woman. I'm weak and dumb or I would have called you on your shit long long ago and not be so angry and bitter and biting right now. Find someone dumber next time or figure out how to take care of yourself so that you can do more than let someone caretake for you until they're sick of it and leave.
W
posted by E at 10:17 PM
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